Tag Archives: The Creative Process

I’m back!

7 Jan

No, the break wasn’t long. However, yes, it was needed. Though I’m still in the stage of adjusting some things about my current life that had previously been on the back burner, I realized that I didn’t want this blog to be kicked to the back of my mind like so many other things. This blog has helped me too much to be at any place other than the forefront of my thoughts (right alongside academics, friends, and family).

One of my goals (not resolutions, but goals, or something I expect to stick around and even grow) for this year is to complete a rough draft of my memoir by the end of 2013. That being said, I am planning to spend as much time as I can to writing my memoir, which means my blog posts will no longer appear daily. I’m thinking of going bi-weekly or even weekly so that I actually might have something to say rather than feeling like I’m constantly rambling on about nothing. Though in the past I have shared certain memories related to my Cerebral Palsy on this blog (and have worked them into my memoir), I primarily began doing that because I was in need of support and feedback. Thanks to all of my lovely followers who have provided just that. However, now that I am beginning to not exactly need the encouraging feedback quite as often, I think it would be best to restrict my written memories to the Word document of my memoir. It seems safer that way. Plus, then my number of pages of my memoir might actually increase (hey, imagine that!). However, that doesn’t mean I won’t still be talking about my writing or what I’m facing on a daily basis in regards to my CP. I’ll still be sharing those snippets, and on those hard days when life just seems to knock me to the ground, every ounce of encouragement from all of you will be just what I need.

As the New Year came and went, I realized how often I was telling so many people: “I’m writing my memoir!” without actually doing much about it. Though I am not necessarily planning to give myself a deadline (good writing comes in time), I do want to move forward with my memoir. I’ve been in a pretty huge rut for quite a while, and even though I have never been a fan of outlines (normally, I’d prefer to just write, write, write and not care where it was doing), I think using an outline could provide me with a greater sense of direction in regards to my memoir, which is exactly what I need at this point. I don’t know how much it will help, but I’ll just have to see I guess.

Along with writing comes reading, and I have written numerous book reviews on this blog in the past. Today I signed up for GoodReads (and have decided to enter a Book Reading Challenge). My goal is to read 100 books in one year. Though that seems like a bit much right now, I know how much I read. And if I don’t complete the challenge, oh well. I just know that I will need a way to balance out all the writing I’m planning to do (plus college classes and friendships). Also, I think all the reading will be a nice break from focusing so heavily on my own life through writing my memoir. I think it was Stephen King who said: If you don’t have time to read, you don’t have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that.”

It will be one heck of a year filled with tons of writing, tons of reading, academics, and as much fun as I can squeeze in! Thank you to all of you who have continued with me on this journey, despite the fact that this blog has changed its focus so many times. I appreciate each and every one of you so much!

“Writing and reading decrease our sense of isolation. They deepen and widen and expand our sense of life: they feed the soul. When writers make us shake our heads with the exactness of their prose and their truths, and even make us laugh about ourselves or life, our buoyancy is restored. We are given a shot at dancing with, or at least clapping along with, the absurdity of life, instead of being squashed by it over and over again. It’s like singing on a boat during a terrible storm at sea. You can’t stop the raging storm, but singing can change the hearts and spirits of the people who are together on that ship.” – from Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott

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Almost a year ago…before the writing began.

24 Dec

Since tonight is Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas, I thought I’d share a picture I came across today from last Christmas.

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It’s crazy to think how much can happen in a year. This time last year, the idea of starting my memoir of living with Cerebral Palsy hadn’t come into existence quite yet, and in all actuality, that is hard for me to believe. I remember how, on a cold winter day in January, I made the quick and impulsive decision and said, “I’m going to write a book about my life!”

A few days later, after I had spent many hours just writing, writing, writing without even thinking of stopping, I emailed two very important people in my life: my writing mentor and my freshman English professor from my previous college, both of whom have always been incredibly supportive of my writing. Both of them have always been big supporters of me in general, and so I wasn’t surprised to receive positive reactions concerning my decision to write a book about my life. Though I did receive support from both of them, I sensed hesitation, and truthfully, I’m still unsure if that hesitation was just my own lack of self-confidence coming to the surface or whether it was something else entirely. Either way, at those very beginning days of my memoir, when only the first thoughts of it were being formulated in my mind, I never thought I’d reach the point where I could talk about my past with such ease. Granted, there are definitely memories that still cause me to pause simply because I haven’t quite gotten the guts to pull them out of the black box they have been hidden in for so long, but considering where I was this time last year, I’ve come very far.

Truthfully, it’s because of the support I’ve received from my mentors, friends, family and all you lovely fellow bloggers that I have made it to this point concerning my memoir. Though the amount of pages I have written is incredibly, incredibly slim considering a full year has passed since I began, most of my writing took more mental preparations than I anticipated in the beginning. Though I wrote like crazy in the beginning month of beginning my memoir, that “early fire” started to fade when the emotions of what I was doing began to fully set in. Since then, I have continued battling those emotions, and those battles have taken up more time than I anticipated….time that could’ve been spent writing. However, I needed to give attention to those battles…to all of the emotions that were being brought to the surface after essentially burying huge chunks of my life in boxes in the back of my mind. Therefore, though I don’t have very many pages to show for all that I have trudged through over the past year, if anything….I know what I have finally faced…and what I have grown from.

Therefore, I wish to say thank you for every single one of you who have been a part of the supportive hug I’ve been receiving for the past year. To family, friends, mentors, and fellow bloggers…thank you for sticking with me through the really hard writing days, the really good writing days, and all those days in between when I was either talking about my memoir or talking about a certain memory from my past. Though there is still a very, very long way to go, I know from experience that the beginning of a project…or the simple act of even starting it…is the hardest. Though there were many days throughout the last year that I either debating stopping or could no longer remember why I was putting myself through the pain of writing and reliving the hard parts of my life, I kept at it. I kept at it for you, for me, and for all the families and kids dealing with a disability who just need someone to relate to or someone who understands or someone who they can look to and say, “She made it through. So can I.”

As well as my many thanks and lots of love, I’d also like to wish all of you a happy holiday season. 🙂

Reflecting on words.

29 Nov

Have you ever come across one of your previous pieces of writing and thought: Did I seriously write that? It’s SO good! That happened to me last night when I came across a blog post I wrote on October the 20th, titled The finding place of my words. As I read my own words, I was amazed. There were certain connections I made on that brisk fall day back in October that still apply to how I feel right now. I don’t know what it is with writers wanting to write about words or the creative process. However, in my case, it provides me with perspective, which is discussed in more detail in my blog post titled, The magic of first lines in literature.

Last Spring, as I was walking across the quad of my college campus to get to class, I had to stop and take in the scene that was unfolding before me. As I looked around, I saw tons of college students sitting on the quad reading. However, as is customary for Asheville, they were all different. Each student’s reading experience was unique. One guy was lying in a hammock he had strung up between two nearby trees, and his book rested lightly against his bent knees. I also saw a girl who was lying on her stomach on a flowery blanket with her bare feet casually in the air. She was holding a book out in front of her, careful to block the sun from her eyes. The third student I spotted was my personal favorite though. She was sitting in the grass with her back up against the trunk of a tree. Her long, dark hair covered the sides of her face, making it possible to only focus on her eyes, which were moving so fast across the pages of her book that I could tell she was a very focused reader. I think the image of the third student stuck with me the most because I could see so much of myself in her. As a reader, especially when it involves a book I am reading for pleasure, it takes a lot to break my focus. Often times, I get so absorbed in the words that I lose the ability to fully comprehend what is going on around me, outside of the world of words that I so often call home.

Though I don’t know whether the students that I observed were reading for their own pleasure or for a class assignment, I like to believe either they were reading something for pleasure or were at least reading something they were interested in. I enjoy sticking to this belief simply because it is very closely related to how I imagine myself when I am reading. In so many ways, words have always been my refuge, but they have also been the place I have returned to again and again if I need to re-evaluate something or find my sense of balance.

“All my life I’ve looked at words as though I were seeing them for the first time.” – Ernest Hemingway

Not all words provide us with the strength to change or the reassurance that we are moving in the right direction in our lives. However, if a series of words can come together into a sentence that causes us to stop and read the sentence again and again, it’s almost like magic. Whether they fill us with a sense of happiness, loss, sadness, anger, loneliness, or hope…words matter. They have the ability to reach a place inside us that not many people can even describe. It’s almost as if the most precious of sentences we have ever read reside in a place so deep within us and so personal that it takes a certain kind of experience for the words to resurface.

“To me, the greatest pleasure of writing is not what it’s about, but the inner music the words make.” – Truman Capote

“One must be drenched in words, literally soaked in them, to have the right ones form themselves into the proper pattern at the right moment.” – Hart Crane

Words matter. They are precious stones that have been washed by the countless waves of the sea, and they lie in the sand, waiting for us to uncover them. But the most precious words, the ones that are the rare deep blue stones, they are not so easy to find. They reside in the crevices of rocks, thrown to those places by the most violent of waves. But they have triumphed. They have overcome the turbulent waves of the sea, taking refuge until we are able to bring them out into the light. So don’t wait. Start searching.

Monday’s Musings: October 1st!

1 Oct

Despite it being Monday, there are numerous things that have made me happy today:

  • Completing my annotated bibliography for my Community Psychology project on the social stigma of physical disabilities. If you’ve ever had to do an annotated bibliography, I’m sure you’re squirming at the thought of it. If you haven’t, count yourself lucky. I wish I could still be uninformed about all the effort and time that goes into making an annotated bibliography. I would explain it, but I’m relieved to be done with it, so that’s that. If you’re really curious, there is always Google.
  • The fact that it finally feels like Fall: complete with cool weather and changing leaves. Despite the rain and relative cloudiness today, it’s felt like the perfect Fall day. A pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks would seal the deal, but when is there time to go to Starbucks when I have so many other things that require my attention? Thankfully, I love college, and I’ve always loved learning.
  • A quick trip to Mr. K’s, my favorite used bookstore. Since I finished my annotated bibliography today (despite it not being due until Wednesday), I decided to treat myself to a quick trip to Mr. K’s. Since I have been wanting to read another book about writing after reading The Spirit of Writing: Classic and Contemporary Essays Celebrating the Writing Life, I settled for Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott. After reading the first sentence of the Introduction, I couldn’t help but realize how much I’m going to love this book:

I grew up around a father and a mother who read every chance they got, who took us to the library every Thursday night to load up on books for the coming week.-Anne Lamott

  • It’s the beginning of a new month. Though this may seem like something small that made my Monday enjoyable, I’m always excited to welcome a new month. A new month means new experiences, new memories to be made, and yet another month that I get to live and breathe among the Blue Ridge Mountains that I love so much. And as the leaves begin to change, I feel even more lucky that I get to call this place home.

World CP Day: Leaving My Mark.

5 Sep

I hate that I didn’t realize until late yesterday evening that yesterday was the very first “World Cerebral Palsy Day” in the United States. According to http://www.worldcpday.org, “World Cerebral Palsy Day is an innovative way for 17 million people with CP to tell the world how they want to make their life better. World Cerebral Palsy Day is also the way people with CP can make it a reality.” Upon reading the website’s explanation of World CP Day, I thought of one thing: I thought of the way I’m already working on telling the world how I’m making my life better. I’m writing my memoir of what it’s been like to live with Cerebral Palsy, and even though I’m doing it for me, I’m also doing it for the other 16,999,999 people who may be struggling to find someone who they can relate to, or simply someone who can say, “I know exactly how you feel.”

Through writing my memoir, I want to be that person for those other 16,999,999 people who may not have someone to listen. The funny thing is…I never thought I would be an advocate for Cerebral Palsy. My disability was something that I tried so hard to get away from. However, I should know that you can’t run from something that will be forever a part of you. For much of my childhood, having CP wasn’t something I was proud of. I wanted to get as far away from it as possible. I wanted to be treated as if I was just like any other kid that lived on my block. However, ever since starting to write my memoir, I’ve become someone I never thought I’d be: I’ve become the girl with Cerebral Palsy who wants to share her story of overcoming obstacles with the world. Before it dawned on me that I had the power to impact others with my words, the idea of writing my memoir hadn’t surfaced. But truthfully, my idea to start writing about my life came in a single moment one night in January. All I was doing was thinking about what I faced and how for my entire life I had been looking for someone who could understand me. However, on that cold night in January, even though I hadn’t found someone who could understand me, I realized how bad I wanted to be that person for other kids with Cerebral Palsy.

Writing my memoir of what I’ve been through has been an incredibly slow process. Since January, I’ve only written 14 pages. Even though that small number makes me cringe, I also know that writing my memoir is the only thing that will finally allow me to accept myself as well as help other kids who are currently faced with what I have been through, and continue to go through on a daily basis. So yes, it’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but when I think of the look of love and comfort I might receive from just one kid with CP, that’s worth so much more. It may even be worth everything.

All dreams matter, not just those on national television.

6 Aug

As surprising as it may seem, I don’t like watching the Olympics. However, before all the confusion and rage surfaces, let me explain why.

Even though I understand that the Olympics holds the motto of “follow your dreams” and “anything is possible,” I also believe that there are so many people in the world who may be in the same situation except for the fact that the majority of those people aren’t being cheered for on national television. I can guarantee that there are people in the world today who are working incredibly hard to follow a lifelong dream. However, instead of receiving the satisfaction of having billions of people cheering for them, they settle for the realization that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and that light is symbolic of their dreams becoming a reality.

I do believe that the Olympics does show the hard road that so many people face when it comes to making their dreams a reality. It’s not a walk in the park. It takes determination, strength, persistence, and above all, heart. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” For anyone who has had a dream that is not easily attainable but still is what they strive for, they know how much heart it takes. In my opinion, heart is at the very center of seeing your dreams become a reality. You’ve got to want it. You’ve got to want it more than anything.

I’m reminded of what it means to follow your dreams based on 2 movies, Akeelah and the Bee and August RushAkeelah and the Bee tells the story of a young girl from South Los Angeles who tries to make it to the National Spelling Bee. Akeelah spends a lot of time training for the National Spelling Bee with a coach, and during one of her training days, her coach asks her to read the following quote by Marianne Williamson:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

In my opinion, this quote really speaks to the concept of following your dreams. Though we may try and try and try to remain positive when chasing our dreams, fear runs through all of us, but more precisely, the fear of failure. However, though the fear of failure is present in every one of us to some extent, it’s important that we don’t let it overpower us. As a writer, even though I worry about failing, I also know that I’m already writing. A few published articles and writing a blog post every single day since November of last year is proof of the fact that I am following my dream. Though I’m currently not a well-known published author, I’m doing what needs to be done in order to get there: I’m reading a lot and writing a lot.

The movie August Rush also talks about following your dreams or your heart to achieve something greater. It is the story of an orphaned musical prodigy who uses his gift as a clue to finding his birth parents. In the movie, Robin Williams plays the character of Wizard, who says this,

You got to love music more than you love food. More than life. More than yourself.

As much as failure plays into following your dreams, you’ve got to be sure that it’s something you love and something that you are willing to keep on chasing no matter how many times it seems to slip away. I’ve learned that the hard way in terms of my writing. Though I love it, it took me a long time to realize that writing wasn’t something I simply wanted to do…it was something I needed to do.

Therefore, in terms of not really watching the Olympics…though I understand the reasoning behind watching it and wanting to cheer on your own country, I simply believe that it’s also important to realize that every single person in the world has a dream. It may not be as momentous as the dreams that are discussed on national television, but that doesn’t mean that those dreams are any less important. Sometimes even the small dreams hold just as much weight, if not more.

Writing advice from Maya Angelou.

28 Jul

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” 

This quote has hit home for me recently, and yet I know that I’m doing something that not many people can do: I’m attempting to get my life on paper. At this point, that’s all that matters to me, the fact that I’m trying. Even though I was worried for a while that I haven’t even touched my memoir in what seems like ages, I’m okay with where I stand. As many people have told me over the past few months: the words will come when they are ready. I’m sticking to that thought. At least for now.