Tag Archives: Opening Up

When in Ireland, sit in comfortable silence.

19 Jul

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.” -Anais Nin

Friendship is completely wonderful, but in the beginning, it can be a bit scary. How do you decide which people to allow entrance into your world? How do you pick the ones who you not only speak to about the petty things…but the deeper things…the things you know aren’t necessary to share? How do you choose one person from another? What makes one person more worthy to hear your story…to enter your world?

I’ve always been really good at making friends, and after a good chunk of years spent in counseling, I’ve become very open regarding who I am. Even now though, I know that I still have to be careful when choosing who I can open up to. It’s a hard decision though. So many times I just don’t even want to go into the deep things because I know that I already have a friend who has heard all that crap. However, another part of me aches to open up to people because even though I know that my past doesn’t define me, it is what has made me who I am today. Without it, I wouldn’t be the person sitting here writing this blog. I’d be someone different.

I don’t doubt that many people have moments in their life where they wonder what it would be like to live a different life. Maybe that’s what friendship creates for us. The opportunity to enter another person’s world almost in a way in which we can place ourself in that world any time we are with that particular friend. However, at the same time, even when friendship gives us the opportunity to get a glimpse into another possible life we could be given, it also allows us to see that if we are unhappy with an aspect of our life, we can try to change it. It may not be easy. It may be really hard, and it may hurt more than you ever imagined…but if a different life is what you long for, then the pain would be worth it in the end.

I’m grateful for the friendships that Ireland has allowed me to find, the most important one being the friendship with Alex, my roommate and friend. Since I’ve had some negative roommate experiences in the past, I was worried about having a roommate again. However, it’s turned out to be the best decision. First off, Alex and I get along really well, so sharing an apartment for the past few weeks has been fun. It’s going to feel so weird to go back home and realize that I won’t be having breakfast with Alex every morning. Alex has also been a great support for me and has stuck by me throughout this experience. Often times, even when I become friends with someone, I can tell that some people have a hard time hanging back and realizing that I can’t move at the same pace as everyone else. It’s really nice that my slower pace doesn’t bother Alex. However, I do make the point to remind her that she is welcome to have time to herself to go and explore things at her own pace. Thankfully, though we enjoy spending time with each other, we both also like time to ourselves, so it’s been a nice balance for the both of us.

I came to Ireland worried. Though I don’t have trouble meeting people and making friends…trying to make friends in an unknown place where you don’t know anyone is a completely different ball game. However, I haven’t had too much trouble making friends since being here. Maybe it’s because I’m in Ireland and it’s amazing. Or maybe because I’ve finally realized that not everyone needs to know every detail of my story. Since speaking about my past gives me a sense of relief, it would make sense to speak about it as often as I can. However, it’s not a necessity. In all actuality, not everyone is going to genuinely care that much. It’s not as if my soul will break if I don’t open up to most of them. Truthfully, maybe it shows more courage to not always bring it up. Because maybe true friendship is realizing when to open up and when to sit in comfortable silence, allowing nature to be the central focus of your “conversation.”

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Beyond The Waves by Elizabeth Marek: A Book Review.

6 Jun

During one of my many trips to my favorite used bookstore in Asheville, I came across Beyond The Waves by Elizabeth Marek when looking through the bargain books. After reading the synopsis on the back of the book, it seemed like a book I’d like, but more than that, it seemed like the type of read that I’d pay much more than one dollar for. I’ll take the deals where I can get them though!

Psychologist Abby Cohen is still reeling from the loss of her beloved daughter when another young girl arrives in her life-twelve-year-old Miranda, who appears at Abby’s hospital mute, terrified, and completely alone. In her struggle to connect with this deeply disturbed child and unravel the mystery of her past, Abby must grapple with her own frozen self.

Numbed by grief and on the verge of losing her relationship with both her husband and little boy, Abby finds herself tempted to leave behind what is left of the family she once cherished. But something about Miranda and the bond that has begun to form between them awakens Abby’s capacity to feel, and reminds her of the power-and the limits-of love.

The way the characters of Abby and Miranda came together in order to deal with the demons of their different pasts was moving to me. I was most drawn to the character of Miranda simply because my heart ached for her and the mysterious past that she seemed to be very troubled by. Through much of the book, Miranda was afraid and alone. Though that was heartbreaking for me, it was also a very huge reminder of why I want to be a counselor myself. Psychologist Abby Cohen tries throughout the book to connect to Miranda, despite the fact that Miranda seems very frightened and alone. However, that’s all the more reason that I strive to connect with others. Though my past wasn’t as extreme as it could have been, it wasn’t easy. I spent so many years afraid, in pain, and surrounded by doctors and parents, and yet feeling utterly alone. When I was going through my intense physical therapy and 3 intense surgeries, I wanted someone who understood or at least could be there to remind me that I wasn’t alone through all the pain. Studies show that every person benefits from a strong support system. Though I had support from my parents and other family members, that wasn’t the kind of support I was looking for. Even though at the time there wasn’t a friend who was aching to understand, what I didn’t know at the time was that the support was coming.

My support came during my junior year at Salem Academy when I met my best friend, Skidmore. Skidmore was the very first person I completely opened up to in regards to all the details of my past. Every memory of pain, fear, loneliness….Skidmore knows it. Realizing that I had someone to share everything with was big, but once I began to understand that Skidmore longed to know so that she could understand who I truly was, I practically never stopped talking. I mean, it came out slow (the details of my past), but it felt so good to tell someone. Telling someone about my pain, fear, and loneliness and having them not judge me or feel sorry for me, but just love me….scars and all…that’s what I had been looking for, and I found it. Though I know have other friends who are an equal amount of support, no one knows as much as Skidmore does. Once I said everything single memory in detail once, it seemed like enough. I mean, my other friends know me really well too, but I guess you could say that since Skidmore was the first person who seemed to want to understand me for exactly who I was, that’s what she got: the stories of pain and fear that I carried around for so long without telling anyone. The stories that, though they don’t define me, are the truest form of the difficulties I’ve faced that I can possibly show.