Tag Archives: Nonfiction

Lessons from Lucy Grealy.

19 Nov

Another Instagram photo. 🙂

“I viewed other people both critically and sympathetically. Why couldn’t they just stop complaining so much, just let go and see how good they actually had it? Everyone seemed to be waiting for something to happen that would allow them to move forward, waiting for some shadowy future moment to begin their lives in earnest. Everybody, from my mother to the characters I read about in books (who were as actual and important as real people to me), was always looking at someone else’s life and envying it, wishing to occupy it. I wanted them to stop, to see how much they had already, how they had their health and their strength. I imagined how my life would be if I had half their fortune. Then I would catch myself, guilty of the exact thing I was accusing others of. As clear-handed as I was, sometimes I felt that the only reason for this clarity was to see how hypocritically I lived my own life.”-from Autobiography of a Face by Lucy Grealy

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Mr. Tim and braces.

23 Aug

For much of my life when I was little, I had to wear AFOs, which are basically braces that I wore on my feet to keep them from turning inwards (before my first surgery, my femurs were turned inwards). Getting new AFOs had its ups and downs. I had to get casted for new braces every time I grew, and most of the time it wasn’t something I was looking forward to. New braces meant fresh “hot spots” on my feet until I could get used to the braces and “break them in” in a sense. Even though we used padding to try to ease the hot spots, they weren’t comfortable. When any body part has to be held in a position that it’s not naturally in, it’s not exactly fun. The one thing that did make me smile was getting to pick my color.

Picking a color for braces is a lot like picking a color for a cast after you’ve broken your arm (which I’ve never done, thankfully). You want something bright or something that makes you smile when you see it rather than frown. I know that many times I chose hot pink and bright purple. However, I remember one special time when I had to get new braces when I was at Shriner’s Hospital. Instead of going for one of my typical bright colors, I picked the bright red that had monkeys on it. I was so excited to be able to look down and see animals. It almost made the fresh “hot spots” worth it. Almost.

The best thing about getting new braces was Mr. Tim. I can see his face in my mind even now. He was the orthopedic doctor that I went to when I needed new braces, and seeing the way he smiled every time he saw me almost made the process of getting new braces bearable. I remember the process so clearly. Mr. Tim started by taking an ace bandage roll and soaking it in what I think was plaster of paris. Mr. Tim then wrapped the ace bandage around my foot and waited a few minutes for it to harden. The next part, the part that always made me a little anxious, was when Mr. Tim had to use a saw to remove the brace mold. Even though I knew that Mr. Tim wouldn’t cut me because I knew how many brace molds he had made, the sound of the saw wasn’t pleasant…and it could make you nervous even if you didn’t think you were one bit scared.

Even though I’m grateful that I don’t have to wear braces on my feet anymore, I remember coming across an old pair of braces when my mom and I were cleaning out my closet a few months ago. It felt good to be able to not even have to hesitate before I told my mom to get rid of the braces, but for just a second, I thought of Mr. Tim and the smile that seemed to brighten even the really hard days.

WWW Wednesdays: August 22nd.

22 Aug

I’ve read some good books lately, so I thought I’d participate in a WWW Wednesdays this week. WWW Wednesdays were started by MizB over at Should Be Reading.

To play along, just answer the following three (3) questions…

• What are you currently reading?
• What did you recently finish reading?
• What do you think you’ll read next?

Currently reading: Dark Places by Gillian Flynn. Even though Gone Girl is the book by Gillian Flynn that is currently popular, I came across the synopsis of Dark Places on Amazon and thought it would be a good introduction to Flynn’s writing before reading Gone Girl

Just finished reading: Small Wonder: Essays by Barbara Kingsolver. This book of essays was a nice change from the usual fiction by Kingsolver that I’m naturally drawn to. Plus, since I found out that Kingsolver will be coming to Asheville as part of her book tour in November, I figured that I needed to read some of the other genres that she’s written in. I loved the book of essays though. Despite being essays and not one concise story, I found myself unable to put the book down. 

Reading next: These Things Hidden by Heather Gudenkauf. I loved The Weight of Silence by Gudenkauf that I read last summer, and when I found out that there was another book that she had written, I knew that I had to give it a shot too.

Feel free to comment with your WWW Wednesday. I know how much I love seeing what everyone else is reading, and I could certainly go for some suggestions if any of you have read anything really great lately.

To Grace (Part 3): Accepting Love.

10 Jul

To Grace. To Grace (Part 2): Walking Through The Fire.

Dear Grace,

I don’t know what it is about writing these letters to you that makes me feel better, but they do. Even though I know that you aren’t in the same place as me in terms of your CP, simply being able to say that I personally know another girl with CP who has faced what I have makes me feel that much closer to you.

I’m in Ireland right now, and I love it. It’s been such a wonderful experience. However, it’s been so hard too. Physically and emotionally. I’ve walked more since I’ve been in Ireland than I have in a long time. Though I know that it’s making me stronger, it hurts. It hurts physically and emotionally because there’s no one here that understands. There’s no one that can say they know what I’m feeling. I know that I said in my previous letters how hard it’s been on me that no one can understand what I’ve faced, but it’s just so so so hard, Grace. I know that you know this.

Having no one who understands is almost as if I’m walking down this dark corridor with all these different doors. The doors lead to people who want to understand, but can’t. The need to go through each door and cry is so strong. The only thing worse than not having anyone who understands is knowing that there are people in my life who want to understand but aren’t able to. I can see it in their eyes. There isn’t pity there. There is just the desire to want to know me on a different level, and the degree that I want people in my life to be on the same level as me is stronger than I ever imagined. It’s close to impossible though, Grace.

I know that you understand. However, I also know that it’s not something I’d easily be able to discuss with you. I’d like to imagine that one day when we are older we could try to talk about it. Right now though, it’s too fresh for both of us. It’s too true, too real, too close for comfort. You’re closer to it now than I am. You’re still having to go to PT and face the pain that I’ve been reliving over the past few months through attempting to write my memoir. Even though I’m not facing that pain in the same way that you are right now, I’m facing it in my own way. Saying it’s emotionally painful doesn’t even come close to what I have felt over the past few months. Recently, I really have wondered why I keep putting myself in this position. When you think about it, it’s as if I’m bulldozing myself with all these really painful memories that I never wanted to think about again.

Over the past few months I’ve had multiple people ask me why I have openly placed myself so far deep into my past that I feel completely and utterly stuck. I don’t know how to answer that question because I myself don’t know why. At first, I stuck to the reason that it was because I wanted to reach a point where I could accept myself. However, now that I think about it, self-acceptance is something that every single person struggles with. I don’t think I’ve ever come across anyone who can openly say that they completely and totally love themselves. It’s not an easy thing to do. It’s hard to block out all the negative feelings you have about yourself, even if you do feel like it would benefit you if you didn’t dwell on them.

So as of right now, I’m walking down that dark corridor…feeling alone and yet realizing that there are people who reside behind the doors who are ready and willing to take me into their arms and simply hold me. Because sometimes, no matter how many times we try to be strong, the only thing left to do is sit down and just let the tears come. I used to hate giving in to the tears. It used to make me feel weak. But Grace, we’ve faced so much. We’ve been through pain that people can’t understand. So I guess the thought of walking down a dark corridor and feeling completely and utterly alone isn’t as depressing as I’ve made it seem. It’s just accurate, especially when we realize that the people that we care about aren’t as far away as we imagined. They’re close…patiently waiting…waiting to try to feel what we’ve felt….even though that feels close to impossible right now. It shows love, Grace. It shows a strong emotion that I’ve been so nervous to let in. Nervous because of the strength and power of love. But also nervous because I feel like I’ve been walking through my life recently not knowing how to accept love from people who want to give it to me. I just don’t know how. I’m trying though. I’m trying so hard.

I’m thinking of you. Please know that.

Love,

Amelia

Barbara Kingsolver Quotes.

12 May

Since I’ve been on a recently discovered Barbara Kingsolver kick lately (I just finished The Bean Trees and am now reading Pigs In Heaven), I thought I’d share some Barbara Kingsolver quotes since I haven’t done a quotes post in a while (Quotes obtained from goodreads.com).

  1. “The very least you can do in your life is figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.”
  2. “Close the door. Write with no one looking over your shoulder. Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It’s the one and only thing you have to offer.”
  3. “It’s what you do that makes your soul.”
  4. “What keeps you going isn’t some fine destination but just the road you’re on, and the fact that you know how to drive. You keep your eyes open, you see this damned-to-hell world you got born into, and you ask yourself, ‘What life can I live that will let me breathe in & out and love somebody or something and not run off screaming into the woods?”
  5. “If we can’t, as artists, improve on real life, we should put down our pencils and go bake bread.”
  6. “In a world as wrong as this one, all we can do is make things as right as we can.”
  7. “Morning always comes.”
  8. “Every one of us is called upon, perhaps many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job…And onward full-tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore. To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another–that is surely the basic instinct…Crying out: High tide! Time to move out into the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is.”
  9. “Literature duplicates the experience of living in a way that nothing else can, drawing you so fully into another life that you temporarily forget you have one of your own. That is why you read it, and might even sit up in bed till early dawn, throwing your whole tomorrow out of whack, simply to find out what happens to some people who, you know perfectly well, are made up.”
  10. “It’s surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time. ”
  11. “To live is to change, to acquire the words of a story, and that is the only celebration we mortals really know.”
  12. “She kept swimming out into life because she hadn’t yet found a rock to stand on.”
  13. “In my own worst seasons I’ve come back from the colorless world of despair by forcing myself to look hard, for a long time, at a single glorious thing: a flame of red geranium outside my bedroom window. And then another: my daughter in a yellow dress. And another: the perfect outline of a full, dark sphere behind the crescent moon. Until I learned to be in love with my life again. Like a stroke victim retraining new parts of the brain to grasp lost skills, I have taught myself joy, over and over again
  14. “Don’t try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say.”
  15. “That was when we smelled the rain. It was so strong it seemed like more than just a smell. When we stretched out our hands we could practically feel it rising up from the ground. I don’t know how a person could ever describe that scent.”
  16. “If you ask me, when something extraordinary shows up in your life in the middle of the night, you give it a name and make it the best home you can.”
  17. “It’s one thing to carry your life wherever you go. Another thing to always go looking for it somewhere else.”
  18. “Anybody can get worked up, if they have the intention. It’s peacefulness that is hard to come by on purpose.”
  19. “People read books to escape the uncertainties of life.”
  20. “Don’t wait for the muse. She has a lousy work ethic. Writers just write.”

Happy Saturday everyone! Is there a particular author that has some of your favorite quotes? What are they?

WWW Wednesdays (April 11th)

11 Apr

I saw these reading related posts a few days ago, and I just had to jump on the bandwagon since I’m a lover of books and reading. Plus, it’s a great way to get book suggestions from fellow bloggers. So all of you readers need to join the bandwagon too so we can have lots of varying book titles

To play along, just answer the following 3 questions:

  • What are you currently reading?
  • What did you recently finish reading?
  • What do you think you’ll read next?

My answers:

  1. I’m currently reading Secrets She Left Behind by Diane Chamberlain, and I am loving it so far. I’ve loved discovering Diane Chamberlain’s novels, especially because she is described as the Southern Jodi Picoult, who is my absolute favorite author.
  2. I just recently finished reading More Than You Know by Beth Gutcheon, and I definitely recommend it. Check out my review.
  3. I think I’ll read Angela’s Ashes by Frank McCourt next. My godmother recommended it since I’ll be studying in Ireland for 4 weeks this summer, and the book is a memoir of Frank McCourt living/growing up in Ireland.

What have you been reading recently?

Living And Breathing For Books.

4 Apr

Last night I watched You’ve Got Mail, a romantic comedy starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks that’s actually quite old. Anyway, the movie is about 2 bookshop owners who are essentially at war. One bookstore is small and has been around forever, and the other bookstore is a huge mega bookstore that ends up putting the small, quaint bookstore out of business. Of course, this isn’t all of the story. There’s love too. But I want this post to focus on books.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I’ve dreamed of owning a bookstore one day. The thought of waking up early and walking/driving to a store filled with books….books that wouldn’t be able to “light up” until I came to turn on the lights. A store full of all sorts of books: fiction, nonfiction, local authors, poetry, classics…and not to mention a bargain section. Books for only one dollar….ah, who could not love that? Of course, the bookstore would need to have super comfy chairs. Not the stiff ones, but the kind of chairs that you just seem to sink into. I’d love to have chairs like that littered around, as well as some smaller rooms in the bookstore. Smaller rooms full of all kinds of reading nooks that could fit any kind of reader. Reading nooks with comfy cushions, reading nooks looking out behind the bookstore to see a view of mountains. Just thinking about it makes me want to see it, but not just in my mind.

Then again, I love discovering all kinds of bookstores. Used bookstores…the bookstores packed with so many books that you can almost smell the pages aging as you sit there reading. It’s the fun part about being a lover of books. Enjoying the hunt of finding the perfect place to get a cup of coffee, sink into a comfy chair and lose yourself in the world of words. Nothing sounds more perfect to me. I live and breathe for all the emotions that books evoke within me. And though it is sad when a book ends, the great joy is knowing that there are so so many more to be read.

  • We read to know we are not alone.-CS Lewis
  • It is what you read when you don’t have to that determines what you will be when you can’t help it.-Oscar Wilde
  • Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.-Charles William Elliot
  • In the case of good books, the point is not to see how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.-Mortimer Jerome Adler
  • Reading is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another’s skin, another’s voice, another’s soul.-Joyce Carol Oates
  • You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, or who had ever been alive.-James Baldwin
  • The best moments in reading are when you come across something – a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things – which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours.-Alan Bennett
  • For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.-Anne Lamott