Tag Archives: Emotion

Les Miserables.

26 Dec

I saw the Les Miserables movie last night, and it was absolutely incredible! The fact that the actors and actresses were singing live during filming just makes the movie even more intense and packed with emotion. Anyone who has the chance needs to go see it!!!

Feel every emotion.

12 Sep

During my early teen years, I took voice lessons, and I still remember the first song I ever sung to Miss Julia Helen, my voice teacher. On my very first day of voice lessons, I was incredibly nervous, and I knew that Miss Julia Helen would ask me to sing for her (since she had told me to come with a song prepared). Around the time I began taking voice lessons, my mom and I had recently returned from a trip to New York City.

When my mom and I were in New York City, we saw the Broadway musical All Shook Up, which is a musical that was based on Elvis Presley songs. I hadn’t been a fan of Elvis before seeing the musical, but once it was over, I knew that I had to have the soundtrack of the musical so that I could listen to all the songs on repeat until I got sick of hearing them. My favorite song from the soundtrack was Fools Fall In Love, and therefore I ended up choosing it as the song that I would sing for Miss Julia Helen. The funny thing, however, is before beginning voice lessons (and even after I took 2 years of voice lessons), I never could read music. When I knew that I’d have to sing a song for Miss Julia Helen, my trick was choosing a song that I would be able to easily emulate with my voice. Knowing that I had to use this process made my song choice a relatively easy one. Though I know that “Fools Fall In Love” fit my voice, I also knew every single word of the song since I had listened to it on repeat for a week straight by the time my first voice lesson came around.

When I sang for Miss Julia Helen, I was practically beaming. Not only was I happy to be at my very first voice lesson, but I absolutely loved the song that I was singing. I just couldn’t stop smiling. Throughout my two years of voice lessons, I had particular songs that really touched me. “Fools Fall In Love” was one of them because it marked the beginning of a new phase in my life, my singing phase. However, two other songs that I will never forget singing are “You Raise Me Up” and “Colors Of The Wind.” Even though all 3 of those songs are each very different, they spoke to me. As well as loving the accompaniment, I was also very attached to the lyrics. Since I was able to become more attached to the songs themselves, I was able to bring more emotion into the songs when I sang them. From my history with singing, I’ve found that emotion is the key component. You want to make the audience feel what you’re feeling. You want them to feel the song inside of them. The only way to do that is to connect to every possible emotion that is present in the song.

Now that I think about it, I realize that the point I just made applies to writing as well. If, as writers, we want to have our readers feel the emotion in what we are writing, we’ve got to feel every ounce of it as well. If we don’t feel it as we are writing it, how can we expect that kind of response from our readers?

“If you do not breathe through writing, if you do not cry out in writing, or sing in writing, then don’t write, because our culture has no use for it.”-Anais Nin

 

A Writing Day.

28 Mar

There is no greater tragedy than bearing an untold story inside you.-Maya Angelou

And with that, I’m off to work on my book. Happy Wednesday everyone!

Sunday’s Song: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri.

18 Mar

Sorry for such a late post today. It’s been a busy day of spending time with my best friend, Skidmore, in Virginia and then driving back to Asheville. So a long day to say the least! Since I’m pretty tired, I thought I’d just share a song with all of you.

I’ve chosen “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri. Enjoy! 🙂

Sink Or Swim.

29 Feb

Last night I listened to “In My Veins” by Andrew Belle on repeat for a while. Though this is an incredibly sad song, it got me in the right mood to write…or really just read through what I’ve written so far on my book. Though I’ve been neglecting working on my book for the reason of being in midterms week, I don’t think that’s the full reason. I’ve written down lots of ideas (in terms of certain memories) that I want to include in my book that I haven’t yet. However, I’ve come to realize that these memories are some of the really hard ones. Ones that either brought me incredible amounts of pain or just stick out because I remember every detail when I’d rather not.

Though I understand that a huge part of my book is facing all of these memories again in order to find some “closure” of sorts, it’s not easy. It takes insane amounts of courage on my part. And even though people have told me all my life how courageous I am, I never really know how to respond to that. I mean, I faced what I did because I had to. In my mind, it was the only choice. Sink or swim. So, I don’t exactly view it as courageous, but more along the lines of necessary. Writing about these difficult memories not only brings them out of the box that I’ve kept hidden for so long, it brings out who I really am…which is defined by what I’ve been through and how I’ve overcome it all to get to where I am today.

In a way, this book feels like another “sink or swim” moment. I’ll either be able to flesh out all these memories and get them written down, or I won’t. Though I don’t want to even give myself the option of failure, I’m just taking things one day at a time. Though my hope is to get my book published one day, if I don’t it’s not the end of the world. Even though I want my book to impact others, I think the biggest impact I’m looking for is the changes that I’ll see within myself. I’m writing this book for me and no one else, so if I end up understanding myself better but not being able to get my book published, then that’s okay. If anything, I will have proved to myself that even though my childhood was rough, I needed to face it all in order to get to where I am today.

Photo Friday: The Wizard Of Oz.

10 Feb

I will always have a strong connection with The Wizard of Oz. In 2007, I played Glinda in a community theatre production of The Wizard of Oz. It was one of my most memorable experiences during my community theatre years with the Calhoun Players because it was the first time that I got to play a main character. I got a blueish-green Glinda dress made and had a tiara and a wand. It was nothing short of magical. The performances of the Wizard of Oz occurred during a time of high emotion and heartache, since the sister of the guy who played the Scarecrow passed away due to an unknown heart condition the night before opening night. Though the elevated emotion added to our already present nerves, I look back on those performance nights and am proud that I got to be a part of such a strong group of people. The Calhoun Players weren’t just a theatre group to me. They were my family. During those performance nights, we came together. We came together with sad hearts, while also knowing that we all needed each other if we were going to make our performance nights as amazing as they could be. Though I have an incredibly supportive family, the members of my Calhoun Players family were also all there through a lot of my rough patches during surgeries and lots of physical therapy. They taught me that it’s possible to rise above obstacles and find a way to shine. In 2008, I did my last production with the Calhoun Players. Though I miss the “family” that I was able to be a part of, I know that all the wonderful memories will always stay with me. Through the Calhoun Players, I learned that I could be completely myself and be loved even though I was different. I learned that through tough times, everyone needs support. People like to think that they can make it alone, but we all need people by our side to be happy when we’re happy and to lend a shoulder when the harsh realities of the world just become too much for us to handle. I learned that courage is found through pain. And just because you don’t have wings doesn’t mean that you still can’t try and learn to fly.

Strength.

8 Feb

It’s been a hard week so far, and it’s only Wednesday. Last Monday, I started writing my book on how I’ve overcome having CP and being different, and over the past few days, I’ve been writing a good bit. Though it feels good to get my emotions on paper, I feel like I’m just breaking all over again. Yes, I’ve faced a lot, and it’s made me stronger. But through the writing process of this book (and let’s face it….it’s in its super early stage), I’ve been forced to emotionally relive all the painful (both emotional and physical) things that I’ve faced in my life.

I like to say that I’ve pretty much accepted myself, but there are some experiences that never can really be accepted. There are always going to be some things that are going to hurt no matter what, and I understand that. It’s just hard that as I’ve been writing my book, I’ve cried through it….I’ve had moments where I feel like I can’t breathe…and there have been instances where I ask myself if facing all this pain again is truly worth it? But then I think of Grace, a 10-year-old girl with Cerebral Palsy that I love so much. She reminds me so much of myself as a kid that it hurts. I spent a day last year keeping her company during her physical therapy session (her physical therapist who was also my physical therapist is a good friend of mine). Anyway, as I watched Grace during her PT session, I was able to observe her more closely. I see the way she looks at life….with so much happiness and a smile that can brighten even the darkest of days. I see the flashes of pain in her eyes…but the way she tries so hard not to show it. Every once in a while, I see her strength waver ever so slightly….wondering if trying so hard is going to be worth it since “moving forward” is more of a back-and-forth action than just strictly forward. I see all the pain that she’s faced, and I can’t help but smile. She’s doing well. She’s pushing on through. But then I see the pain she has yet to face. I remember all the pain that I went through that she hasn’t experienced yet. And it breaks me. I cry sometimes, because I know that there’s nothing I can say that would convey how I feel. It hurts to watch her face all the things that I went through, but at the same time I just can’t help but look.

In a way, this book is going to be dedicated to Grace. I hope that one day she can get to a point in her life where she can look back and see all the challenges she’s overcome, while also realizing that facing those challenges has made her a much stronger person. “Stronger person” is a tricky phrase though. Throughout my life, people have called me strong. Strong for facing what I have. Strong for pushing through. Strong for coming out the other side as a better person. I understand why people would say things like that. So many people explain strength as when people are able to hold it together when everyone else is expecting them to fall apart. However, I’ve never been a fan of that explanation since it assumes that crying or giving in to your emotions is “weak,” and it’s not. See, the way I look at it, I don’t have strength because I faced the obstacles throughout my life. I faced all the shit in my life because I didn’t have a choice. I mean, what was I going to say: “Oh, I’d rather not learn to walk. Thanks though.” No. I doubt anyone would say that. I mean, pushing through it all was my only option. However, that’s not to say it was easy. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced, and it still continues to be an emotional challenge. Though I’ve gotten past a good chunk of the physical pain, the emotional pain is still there. The feeling of not fitting in or belonging. Dealing with all the staring. Being judged. It’s all still there, and it always will be. But I’ve found yoga, wonderful friends, the amazing escape of books and music, writing, and ultimately, a home in the mountains. So…maybe strength is realizing that even when you’re faced with a ton of difficulty, it’s still possible to love your life.

The Art Of Missing.

21 Jan

Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.

Missing someone isn’t just an emotion. It’s an aching deep down in your soul that can only be filled by the presence of the one you miss. Since physical presence can sometimes be hard to manage, we’ve got phone calls, text messages, letters, and best of all, Skype! All those technologies allow us to connect with those we love, even if it means that we can’t see them often.

Though the art of missing someone is a sad emotion, I feel like it’s one of the strongest expressions of the human spirit (not counting love). When you miss someone, it’s not just that you want to see them. Sometimes it’s the feeling of not being fully yourself without them. It’s wanting to share with them your hopes, fears, and mundane daily activities, even if it just means that you only talk to them sporadically. And that’s better than nothing right? And even though missing someone hurts, it’s so pure. I mean, missing someone means you have someone special enough in your life to miss. It means you care. It means that even though you both are on different paths, you’re thinking of them and wishing they were there with you.

I spend a lot of time missing friends and family. Though I’ve gotten better at being attached to people, the art of missing has stayed constant or maybe grown. I just wish that all the people in my life could experience my life with me. It hurts to go through day-to-day activities without them by my side. I’ve always been told that I have immense strength, and I understand that. But the truth is, I wouldn’t be where I am today without the love and support of all the people who I spend my days missing. They are the reason I’ve thrived recently, and I have no idea what I’d do without them.

So, yes the art of missing someone is hard. But would you rather miss someone and have it hurt than never have the chance to miss them at all?

Book #1 Of 2012: The Things They Carried By Tim O’Brien.

12 Jan

Though I have not set a goal to read a certain amount of books in 2012, I’m still planning to keep track of how many/which books I read and hopefully having the time to review each one. Yesterday, right before my media ethics class, I finished my first book of 2012: The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien. Though it was centered around the Vietnam war, it was also a story of love, friendship, and it demonstrated the craft of writing that all writers should seek to emulate.

Here’s the synopsis found on the back of the book:

“They carried malaria tablets, love letters, z8-pound mine detectors, dope, illustrated Bibles, each other. And if they made it home alive, they carried unrelenting images of a nightmarish war that history is only beginning to absorb. Since its first publication, The Things They Carried has become an unparalleled Vietnam testament, a classic work of American literature, and a profound study of men at war that illuminates the capacity, and the limits, of the human heart and soul.”

Okay, doesn’t that just sound amazing?! Well…maybe not to everyone. The Things They Carried was one of the best books I’ve read in a while. Even though I’m normally not a fan of war stories, this one was different. It focused on the human capacity of emotion. How much can one take before life just feels unbearable? What aspects of life can help someone realize that they have a life worth living? I think we all think of these types of questions, and this novel tries to answer them (though not directly, of course). I’d like to share with you my favorite few sentences from the book:

“Stories are for joining the past to the future. Stories are for those late hours in the night when you can’t remember how you got from where you were to where you are. Stories are for eternity, when memory is erased, when there is nothing to remember except the story.”

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a better reason for why writers write. O’Brien hits the nail on the head. Writers write because it’s what keeps us going, it’s our oxygen, it’s the way we deal with the complexities and confusing aspects of life. We write, we write until the feelings are out, until the words are full of so much emotion that we feel lighter, until we can breathe a sigh of relief, until our readers understand….until, ultimately, there’s nothing more to say.

Don’t Just Face The Music…Embrace It!

7 Jan

“Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent.”-Victor Hugo

I’ve always been a lover of music. Like writing, I feel like music has the power to express certain emotions better than just trying to explain how certain emotions make you feel. Music is heard, but it’s also felt. It has the power to be felt in the deepest part of your soul…the parts you may have kept hidden, but ones you know are still there.

All the emotions that music brings up, they mean something. Sometimes, they bring up feelings that are hard to face…even painful to face. And some things can be kept hidden. But all in all, they need to be faced. Often it takes time to face certain parts of our past, and that’s okay. But it’s important to remember that facing parts of our past can provide us with a certain amount of closure that we need.

Music brings up memories, tears, laughs, anger. And those feelings…you’ve got to embrace them, even if they hurt. Because those feelings make up every single part of you that makes you who you are. And the only thing that holds true is that all of us are you unique. So we might as well embrace the all the parts of ourselves that make us the person we are.

(Sorry for the short post tonight. It’s my first night back at college, and I’m spending it enjoying sushi and watching tv.)