Tag Archives: Dying

Autumn’s unexpected change.

9 Sep

 

“You expected to be sad in the fall. Part of you died each year when the leaves fell from the trees and their branches were bare against the wind and the cold, wintery light. But you knew there would always be the spring, as you knew the river would flow again after it was frozen. When the cold rains kept on and killed the spring, it was as though a young person died for no reason.”-Earnest Hemingway

Even though autumn is the season of “change,” I don’t like the kind of unexpected change that I received today. I lost a “family member” and friend last night: my dog, Roxy. She was diagnosed with a tumor in her bladder a few months ago. No amount of words can express the pain I’m feeling. However, I am thankful that I have plenty of pictures that I took of Roxy to remind me of the love and happiness that she brought to my family.

 

 

Advertisements

Favorite quotes from The Fault In Our Stars.

2 Aug

The Fault In Our Stars by John Green is probably one of my favorite books that I read this summer. I thought I’d include some of my favorite quotes from the book. 🙂

  1. “I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once.”
  2. “Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.” 
  3. “I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.”
  4. “Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.” 
  5. “Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.

    “Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.” 

  6. “The marks humans leave are too often scars.” 
  7. “Oh, I wouldn’t mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.” 
  8. “May I see you again?” he asked. There was an endearing nervousness in his voice.

    I smiled. “Sure.”

    “Tomorrow?” he asked.

    “Patience, grasshopper,” I counseled. “You don’t want to seem overeager.

    “Right, that’s why I said tomorrow,” he said. “I want to see you again tonight. But I’m willing to wait all night and much of tomorrow.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious,” he said. 

  9. “You are so busy being YOU that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.” 
  10. “The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we’d done were less real and important than they had been hours before.” 
  11. “You realize that trying to keep your distance from me will not lessen my affection for you. All efforts to save me from you will fail.” 
  12. “Maybe ‘okay’ will be our ‘always” 
  13. “You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.” 
  14. “And then the line was quite but not dead. I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like I was not in my room and he was not in his, but instead we were together in some invisible and tenuous third space that could only be visited on the phone.” 
  15. “That’s the good thing about pain. It demands to be felt.”

Three words: Best. Book. Ever. Seriously, go read it. It’s amazing!

 

Tuesday’s Tunes: Lily Kershaw, A Singer/Songwriter.

5 Jun

There are no words to describe the beauty of this song, so it’s all I’m posting today. Listen, listen again, and let the words fill your heart as I have done. Sometimes the heartbreaking, yet beautiful songs must simply be felt, fully and without hesitation.

Finding Daddy Cox By Mike Cox: A Book Review.

6 May

In previous posts, I’ve mentioned Mike, one of my writing mentors that I met when interning at the Columbia Star newspaper in January of 2009. When I left my internship at the Star, Mike gave me 3 books as parting gifts, one of which was his own book he wrote in 2003, Finding Daddy Cox.

Finding Daddy Cox is the story of Mike’s grandfather, Cecil Cox, which includes all the lessons that he instilled in his children and grandchildren that are still evident in the Cox family today. I remember Mike telling me how he wrote this book for his family, and as a token of remembrance for the grandfather that he resembled, but who died when he was five years old. There are parts of the book that have still stuck with me, like Cecil’s conversation with a blind man where he describes every part of the sunset so that the blind man is able to enjoy it as well. I think that was one of my favorite parts of the book. Overall, Finding Daddy Cox is full of life lessons that you’d expect to hear from an old Southern family: discipline your children but show them you love them, the importance of hard work, how to deal with pain, loss, and fear, and the realization that one’s family is the cornerstone to all of life’s understandings. Even though Finding Daddy Cox was essentially a collection of stories that Mike had heard about his grandfather as he was growing up, Mike put his some of his own self into the stories as well since he had heard his whole life how much he and Cecil Cox were alike.

I think what was most interesting to me was reading a book that was written by someone I know. I could hear Mike’s voice through the words, and that was really cool for me. Though the book was stories of his grandfather, I could see how Mike used his own writing style in certain descriptions of things, though I’m sure he had plenty of help from the people in his family who were still around at the time who assisted him with the stories.

I definitely recommend this book. I mean, I guess it’s different for me because I am friends with Mike, and so I know him pretty well. However, Finding Daddy Cox was a great portrayal of an Old Southern family and how certain traditions and ways of upbringing can have such a long-lasting effect on the generations to come.

A Dog’s Life: All You Need Is Love.

29 Apr

I found out this afternoon that my first dog (who is very, very old now), Max, will need to be put to sleep tomorrow. Max has been living with my grandparents for a number of years, who live right down the street from us, because their dog, Joe, who was put to sleep last summer, was Max’s best friend. During the last few years that Max was living with us, he frequently got out of our yard and went up to my grandparents’ house to be with Joe. It reached a point where we realized that Max would be happier with Joe. However, we always showed him love on the days when he’d come down to visit us.

Today I went down to my grandparents’ house to see Max one last time. My dad and I found him on the screen porch laying down in his cage. Due to Max’s age, he hasn’t been able to see or hear hardly at all for quite some time. Therefore, when Max had his back to us when my dad and I came into the screen porch, my dad had to reach in and turn Max around so that he was facing us. Even though I know that Max probably didn’t recognize us, my heart broke when I saw him. He didn’t seem to be in pain. He just seemed tired. I could see it in his eyes. Though he didn’t have the energy to move towards me, that didn’t stop me from holding him and crying harder than I ever have. Part of my heart broke this afternoon. For the loss of Max and for the amount of love that I have for him. Since he was my very first dog, he was my first indication of the amount of love that one can have for an animal.

Max loved playing fetch. You could throw a tennis ball for him over and over again, and he’d never get tired. Often times, I was the one who had to eventually stop playing, even though Max would continue to drop the ball at my feet and look up at me with excitement and anticipation, wondering where I would throw the ball next. My dad brought a tennis ball with him when we went to see Max one last time today, and the fact that Max didn’t even have the energy to hold the ball in his mouth was heartbreaking. Max also loved water. Any time we would take him for a walk out on my grandparents’ farm, he would always run straight into the pond, no matter the outside temperature. He loved swimming, and when you added playing fetch while he was swimming in the pond, you could see that he was just happy as a clam.

Though I know that after tomorrow Max will finally be at peace and will finally be able to be near Joe again (since Max will be buried next to Joe), it’s no easier for those of us who have to go on living without him. Though some people would make the comment that Max is just a dog, anyone who has ever had a dog knows that they aren’t just a pet. They are a part of your family. Heck, in our family, our dogs (Max, Roxy, and Hoss), who are all springer spaniels, have had their own Christmas stockings for as long as they have been in our family. They are one of us, and that’s all there is to it. Though I am sad to lose Max, I am happy to still have Roxy and Hoss to show my love to. When I came back from saying goodbye to Max today, I curled up on the couch and held on to Roxy as I cried. I figured she knew something was wrong since she looked up at me and licked my face. Even though that made me cry harder, I don’t know what I would have done if I would have lost Max and then had to come home to a house without dogs. It would make things so much harder.

The wonderful thing about dogs though is the fact that they have only love to give. Growing up, Max didn’t care that I had CP or that I was different. In his eyes, as long as I showed him love, he loved me right back. Sometimes I wonder how the world would be different if we as humans could have that sort of mentality. Granted, each one of us is too judgemental for that. However, in a dog’s mind, “all you need is love.”