An Emotional Whirlwind.

30 Jul

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” -Henri J.M. Nouwen

I feel like I’ve been through an emotional whirlwind recently. I had a tough travel day on Thursday (even though I did finally make it home), I came home to find out that one of my dog’s has a tumor, Delta lost my luggage and I didn’t receive it until today, and a limb went through the windshield of my car and it has to be replaced (but thankfully I wasn’t in my car when the limb went through my windshield). For the past few days, it’s felt like nothing has gone my way. It’s almost as if anything that could possibly knock me over has slammed into me with full force.

However, the one thing that I am holding on to is the fact that I get to see my best friend Skidmore on Friday. I’m holding on to that one simple thing with every fiber of my being because if I know that if I give myself even a small chance to stop and think, I’ll just fall apart. Though I know that once I see Skidmore I’ll most likely finally break down, I’m trying to hold it together to some extent until then. Not because I don’t want to appear weak. Far from that, actually. I just know that if I give in to what I’m feeling right now, I’ll just start crying and I won’t be able to stop.

Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s the fact that I haven’t seen my friends in what seems like forever. Either way, this feels like the eerie calm before the storm. But waiting to break down until I get to Skidmore’s is exactly what I need. Though the waiting wouldn’t really change much, it would change everything all at the same time. Skidmore is the easiest person in the world for me to talk to, and I know that if I was talking to her through body-heaving sobs, she wouldn’t even say anything. She’d just hug me and wait until I was able to get out what I was feeling. I need that kind of patience, that kind of willingness to listen. For so long, Skidmore has been the one person that I’ve turned to for everything, and even though it’s never a good time to feel like your world has been flipped upside down, I feel like it couldn’t have come at a better time since I’m going up to see Skidmore this weekend anyway for her 21st birthday.

Either way, all of this is hard to grasp right now….especially the weight hanging on the fact that my dog, Roxy, has a tumor. My family put our oldest dog, Max, to sleep at the beginning of this summer, and the fact that Roxy may not be far behind is the most heartbreaking thing I can even imagine right now. I want to cry….and scream…and run…and throw things….and hold on to Roxy for as long as I possibly can. None of this is fair. I understand that losing a pet never is. However, it’s just as if all of this stress has hit me like a bulldozer, and I don’t even know what to feel. So I’m just hanging on for a few more days…hanging on until I can fall apart in the company of my best friend.

Advertisements

10 Responses to “An Emotional Whirlwind.”

  1. LA Edwards July 30, 2012 at 10:15 pm #

    Hang in there. Things in this life you know happen for a reason. We don’t always know what the reason, or why, they will come in time. I am so sorry you are feeling this way, wish I could give you that hug you so desperately need. Know though you have a friend who cares, and many others. You will see your BFF on Friday and it will be awesome. You will make it through this. I am so sorry it is happing at once. That sucks. But things wil reslove themselves. Sending you hugs and Sunflowers.

  2. photosfromtheloonybin July 30, 2012 at 10:19 pm #

    I am so very sorry about your dog, and I really hope life settles down for you soon! You just need some chill time with your best friend, and things will improve!

  3. Lisa W. Rosenberg July 30, 2012 at 11:57 pm #

    I’m glad you’re seeing Skidmore soon. Sending you a hug in the meantime …

  4. Laura July 31, 2012 at 12:07 am #

    Oh no so sorry about your dog and everything that is going on 😦 Hopefully things will begin to look up soon.

  5. 4amWriter July 31, 2012 at 10:22 pm #

    Sorry about your dog. I have lost many, many beloved pets over the years, and it is never easy. I’m glad that you will be seeing your friend soon. BFFs are the best medicine!

  6. belasbrightideas August 3, 2012 at 2:19 am #

    I am definitely sharing that quote, thank you. So sorry about your doggie. We have three dogs and love them so – such great companions. May you still have quality time together.
    As for things seeming to heap one atop the other, I know the feeling – such days are almost beyond belief when they happen.
    I also know well the kind of friend you speak of. May you be reunited soon in order to unburden your heart.
    Peace, Amelia.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: