Every Scar Has A Story.

4 Jun

“Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.”-Khalil Grbran

One of my previous physical therapists, Meredith, shared the above quote with me a few months ago when I was going through a rough patch while writing my memoir, when my head was stuck in the memories that brought me so much physical pain that I wasn’t even sure where to begin writing. Lately I’ve been shying away from working on my memoir because I feel like I need to be able to just sit quietly in the closet with some of my memories that are mentally boxed away before I can shed light on them and begin writing.

I’m a very introspective person, and I’d rather sit outside among the natural beauty around me and reflect on life rather than be surrounded by tons of people. I enjoy time to myself, and since I’ve reached a point in my life where I’m not utterly terrified to reflect on my past, the pain I felt, and the memories that sometimes still haunt me, that’s what I choose to do: revisit the memories, even when they hurt. Occasionally, I wonder why I choose to fill my head with memories that hurt, but then I realize that facing the memories is the only way I’ll be able to accept myself. I kept the memories boxed up for so long, kicking the boxes to the back of my closet and refusing to even think about them.

I’ve been told that the special thing about scars is the story they tell. I hated my scars for such a long time. I never wore shorts even when it was really hot outside because I didn’t like to look down and be reminded of the physical and emotional pain that I went through. So during the summer, you’ll see me in jeans, no matter the temperature. I’d rather wear jeans and feel okay about myself than wear shorts and feel self-conscious. For many years, I couldn’t bring myself to even look at my scars. In the beginning, they scared me. Then, I hated them for being a reminder of my pain. And now, instead of being afraid or angry, I am reminded of not just what I went through….but what I fought through…and what I survived. My scars are a reminder that I survived a level of pain that most people can’t understand. Though my scars will forever be a part of me, they are also a reminder of what I’ve endured and overcome in order to reach a point in my life where I can honestly say that I am happy.

My scars tell their own unique story: the story of my life with Cerebral Palsy, full of every detailed memory during my childhood and teenage years. They hold more emotion than I can even fathom, much of which has been released over time through the process of writing my memoir and having this blog. And even though every day is a little bit easier for me to write what I felt during the years of intense surgeries and intense physical therapy, my scars still remain. Even though my surgery scars tell the first part of my story, the part that involves intense surgeries, 15 years of physical therapy, and many, many tears, they don’t tell the part of the story that I’m living now. I do. I’m writing the story of my life, and I’ve always held the key to unlock the boxes of what I’ve felt. However, it wasn’t until a few months ago that I actually realized I wanted to open up those boxes. But I haven’t just wanted to look at them, I’ve wanted to write them. The pain, the hurt, the strength. Because writing it all down makes it that more real, while also making it easier to be able to say: Yes, I have Cerebral Palsy, and I’m a survivor.

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21 Responses to “Every Scar Has A Story.”

  1. jennysserendipity June 4, 2012 at 7:22 am #

    I am sorry you had to go through pain..We all have scars but it is up to us to fight our our battles and be a strong person. Great post you have!

  2. gacochran June 4, 2012 at 8:35 am #

    Hi Amelia, Thanks for the reminders and hope you share with me and others through your story. The non-profit I work for, Well for the Journey, sends out a “Daily Faith Reflection” – basically quotes each day. This mornings quote was from Khalil Grbran. Then I opened your post and there Khalil again…I’m listening!

    • ameliaclaire92 June 4, 2012 at 1:02 pm #

      Wow! How cool to realize that we were both thinking of the same quote. 🙂

  3. Michele June 4, 2012 at 9:26 am #

    Such beautiful strength. Glad you are working on your memoirs. 🙂

  4. LA Edwards June 4, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

    Beautiful and well stated. You have persevered Amelia where others would have given up and sunk down into the deep dark waters of despair. You have fought those demons and won the battle. You should feel proud knowing that you have done this, and that you will no longer let it dictate your life. Writing is your outlet to heal and is a part of the healing process. You have indeed endured a lot for someone so young. But you should be very proud at what you have accomplished and no longer allowing CP to ruin, run, or dictate your life. Hold your head high, as you have earned that right. And know everyone carry’s around scars. No one is perfect. No one. We all strive for perfection, yet will never fully get there. Some will come close, but at what cost. Continue to brace who you are, and know that you do have friends, a support group, and people who are waiting to help you along this next segment in your life. You are an inspiration to many. And have a voice which to convey your thoughts and feelings, helping yourself to continue to heal and in the process helping others to heal and deal with their own scars, illness, CP, or other issues. You have touched me in your ability to express your pain and because of that and other things I have a greater understand how my daughter must feel living with CP, Thank you for that!

  5. jmgershom June 4, 2012 at 4:20 pm #

    Wow! That was a powerful post. First of all, I would just like to tell you to, “Hang in there!” It reminds me of that poster with a kitten hanging on a bar. 🙂

    We all have our own scars. They can be physical or emotional…or both. I have mine, and like you they are in boxes, or to be more precise, Pandora’s Box. Yet, they are a part of us, and we have to find a way to deal with them. Some of us can do that quickly, but for me, no. I’m glad that you are at least considering looking into them. I hope you have someone who can give you some moral support. All I have are my characters, but they’re kind. Well, most of them are. 😀

    I miss North Carolina. I’m originally from Goldsboro and still have relatives in Wayne County. Every time I listen to James Taylor’s song, Carolina In My Mind, it does bring a tear to my eye. Again, Hang In there!

    • ameliaclaire92 June 6, 2012 at 2:22 pm #

      I absolutely love James Taylor! Thanks for your support. 🙂

  6. nikky44 June 4, 2012 at 4:22 pm #

    ” I’ve wanted to write them. The pain, the hurt, the strength” that’s why I started a Blog 3 months ago… Stay strong ❤

    • ameliaclaire92 June 6, 2012 at 2:25 pm #

      Thank you. Good luck with your own blog. Mine has helped me in ways I can’t even begin to describe. 🙂

  7. Karen Wan June 4, 2012 at 5:23 pm #

    Very moving post. You remind me how inspiring our scars can be to others when we move through and beyond them, and show a way forward for others. You are clearly doing that with your life. Thank you for sharing your story.

    • ameliaclaire92 June 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

      Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. They mean a lot!

  8. Author, G. D. Grace June 4, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

    “…I am reminded of not just what I went through….but what I fought through…and what I survived.” Profound simplicity, and oh so true. Thank you for sharing, and I will reshare on Facebook, reblog, and Twitter…. for others to gain insight and know that they are not alone…..

    • ameliaclaire92 June 6, 2012 at 2:23 pm #

      Thank you for willing to share this. It means a lot to me. 🙂

      • Author, G. D. Grace July 2, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

        No, thank you, for sharing your incredible story. (Hugs)

  9. 4amWriter June 4, 2012 at 10:10 pm #

    Memoirs are tough to get through. I started mine, just to shed some of that burden, and I had to stop partway through. It was too painful. So, I turned back to my fiction and the words flowed much easier. One day I’ll be able to go back in time and rehash my childhood and the repurcussions, but it isn’t today. Perhaps it’s because my kids are young and the memories seem that much more sensitive, like they have nerve-endings.

    Anyway, I am really happy that you got through such an ordeal and that you’re writing! And don’t worry about the jeans. I hate the looks of my knees, so I avoid shorts if I can. Capris are the choice even in the most humid of summers. 🙂

    • ameliaclaire92 June 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm #

      Your support means so much, especially coming from someone who also has such a love and need for writing. 🙂

  10. urban bamboo June 7, 2012 at 7:40 pm #

    This is a brave and powerful article. Thank you. I have some scars myself that I wish I could hide, but maybe I should be more proud of them. Keep writing!

  11. belasbrightideas June 12, 2012 at 10:20 pm #

    Yes, we are both survivors of different sorts. My scars are more on the inside. At least so far! Never know what life is going to dish out.

    Give yourself all the time you need to finish your memoirs. I sit in nature a LOT. It’s tremendously validating and healing.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Starting from a time when I was born. | She was all about Nostalgia. - June 6, 2012

    […] Every Scar Has A Story. (lifeintheblueridges.wordpress.com) Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. This entry was tagged about, welcome. Bookmark the permalink. […]

  2. Tip #9: « Creating The Best You - June 9, 2012

    […] Every Scar Has A Story. (lifeintheblueridges.wordpress.com) […]

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