Photo Friday: Blue Ridge Sunset.

23 Mar

“Be not the slave of your own past – plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep, and swim far, so you shall come back with new self-respect, with new power, and with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

As most of you know, I’m in the process of writing a book. However, I’ve been taking a break from my writing for a while. I feel like I need to catch my breath. It’s been a nice way to focus on the people in my life that I love, while also giving me time to reflect on myself as well as the beauty that’s around me. Recently though, my back has caused me a good bit of pain. There have been multiple times in the past few days that I’ve been walking and I’ve come to a complete stop due to the back spasms that come out of nowhere. It’s almost as if the breath is knocked out of me. Because of this recent back pain, though it has been extremely unpleasant, it has given me a jumping off point for some descriptions that I’ve been wanting to include in my book.

Certain pain that not everyone has felt is really hard to explain. I don’t doubt that at some point everyone has had some sort of spasm, but it’s nothing like the intense spasms I had in my legs after surgeries though. But the thing is, I want people to be able to understand. I want people to be able to try to envision the degree of pain that I felt. It’s just such a hard thing to describe. Pain. We’ve all felt it. It can be dull pain, sharp pain or any one of the grey areas in between those extremes. But my spasms were neither dull nor sharp. They’re quick, fast, alarming. It’s like if you tried to keep your arm straight for as long as possible and then all of a sudden you bent it really fast. Multiply that by a really huge number, and you’ve got the spasms that I’ve felt in my legs. Even with that, I don’t know how to describe them in a way that relates to everyone. I just know what I felt.

The unfortunate part about writing about all this pain is that it happened so long ago. And since it was a very painful time for me, I have no doubt that I blocked out some of the really small details of the degree of the pain. I wish I knew the exact words to describe the pain, but I just don’t. The words aren’t coming. All I remember during all those spasms are the screams that I let out. I screamed so loud. It was my release. Growing up, doctors and physical therapists told me that I had quite a voice for how loud and often that I screamed. I also have an incredibly strong grip in terms of my hands. I feel like the screams and the hand strength combined makes a lot of sense. When the spasms took over, I needed any sort of way to feel in control. Though I hardly ever did, I screamed out the pain. I held the pain in my hands as my knuckles would go white due to grabbing onto a mat or the arms of a wheelchair.

Though my CP has made me into a much stronger person, the pain and fear that I faced was overwhelming. I’d never wish it on anyone, no matter how much I dislike them.


10 Responses to “Photo Friday: Blue Ridge Sunset.”

  1. Katrina March 23, 2012 at 9:46 am #

    Very profound post, you’re very courageous

  2. Charles Oyeleke Williams March 23, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

    I occasionally enjoy a dose of back pains and i can tell they weren’t funny at all….Nice one!

  3. stephenedwards425 March 23, 2012 at 10:54 pm #

    I actually thought of you today…I was driving from my home in Indiana to see my son in Charleston, SC who is getting ready to ship out to Kuwaitheaded your way. for 10 months (he is a photo journalist)…as I was leaving Ashville headed south on I26 I passed under the Blue Ridge Parkway…absolutely beautiful scenery.

    Also I suffer from the occasional back pain. Usually I can only stand up or lie down, but can’t sit. And the transitions are excruciating…my wife actually has rigged up the laptop so I can stand and type…so you have all my positive energy headed your way
    PS My wife susie says best wishes as well and hopes your back heals quickly.

    Be encouraged!

    • ameliaclaire92 March 24, 2012 at 12:23 am #

      Thank you so much for your kind words. And yes, the Parkway is amazing. I love that I have the chance to live in such a beautiful place.

  4. Alethea Eason March 24, 2012 at 10:19 pm #

    Interestingly, I’ve been experiencing spasm in my back the last two weeks, but nothing nearly on the scale you expressed. I hope you are feeling better.

    I would love to see the Blue Ridge Mountains, North Carolina. I was over forty before I ever went back east, to DC. Had two other trips since, one to Delaware to visit an old friend, and to Maine on a vacation with my husband. You’d love the Cascades and the Olympic Peninsula, too.

    • ameliaclaire92 March 24, 2012 at 10:24 pm #

      It’s still hurting, but I did go to restorative yoga yesterday, and that helped some. I’m definitely itching to travel soon! 🙂

  5. hugtrip March 25, 2012 at 9:57 pm #

    Thanks so much for sharing this. Loved the opening quotation as well.

  6. belasbrightideas March 27, 2012 at 3:37 pm #

    Sweetie, I worked professionally on bodies for almost thirty years. Still do, from time to time. And as an intuitive and one who researches my findings, I can tell you that the body holds the most powerful and poignant memories. As we dig around into our own past, memories will surface, and the body often does respond. We used to call it a ‘healing crisis.’ May this prove useful to you, and allow you to accept and release some of what your dear body is suffering from. That is my hope for you.


  1. Spasm Chasm « Smile if your sexy! - April 24, 2012

    […] Photo Friday: Blue Ridge Sunset. ( […]

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