Finding Home.

10 Mar

Yesterday, I spent some time driving through my hometown with my mind full of memories. It’s the next to last day of Spring Break, and the end of Spring Break means getting back to the hum-drum of college and academics. That’s not why my mind is full of memories though. A while back, I wrote a few posts concerning the fact that my parents are moving from St. Matthews, SC to Saluda, NC. Though I’m looking forward to them being closer to me since I’m in Asheville at college, I guess I never let it all sink in.

The “For Sale” sign in front of our house is hard to see. There will be someone else living in our house, someone else playing in the backyard, someone else making memories in the place that I called home for so long. It’s weird. I think we all hope that we’ll leave our hometown behind, and yet still be able to come back once we’ve grown and moved on to find that nothing has changed. Unfortunately, that won’t be the case. And it isn’t…in the face of life. Things change whether we want them to or not. We can either flow with the change or have it leave us behind, looking for light in a place that’s been pitch black dark for quite some time.

I drive down my street and am flooded with memories. Memories that marked how I’ve grown up. Driving my Barbie Jeep up and down the street…which later turned to driving our gocart up and down the street…which lead to me having my first car (a Jeep Cherokee) that I drove around town….and now, I’m not in a Jeep Cherokee but a Ford Escape. And instead of driving around town….I drive an entire state away to a place that’s already starting to feel like home even though I’ve only been there since August. I never thought that it was possible to “find home” in numerous places. However, I’ve grown to realize that we CAN find home in numerous places…we can be part of a lot of different places depending on where our heart lies and what we find comfort in. Until I was 16, home was our house in St. Matthews, SC which included my brother, my parents, my dogs, and all the laughter, tears and hugs that were held inside these walls. For the next 2 years, home was my boarding school in Winston-Salem, NC (It wasn’t quite home my junior year, but by my senior year I didn’t want to leave to go beyond the walls that had provided with so much love, support and room to grow). When I was at Wofford College for my freshman year last year, I didn’t find home. It didn’t fit quite right. However, I had to go there in order to know that it wasn’t the right fit for me. Plus, I met one of my best friends there, and so for that, I’ll be eternally grateful. Since August, I’ve found home in Asheville. In the land of the Blue Ridges. Amid a landscape that still causes me to stop in amazement sometimes.

So maybe it’ll be a little sad to leave the place that I called home for the majority of my childhood. But by relinquishing the hold I’ve kept on this house, my heart is free to “find home” in many more locations. I have no doubt that as the years go by I’ll have many more places that will hold a piece of my heart. But even leaving won’t change much. My hometown will still be here, in all its small town glory. And all I’ll need to do to experience it again is close my eyes…and open my heart to all the memories that can come flushing back. Because maybe, just maybe, all our homes that we find along the way are contained, memories and all, inside the chambers of our hearts.

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11 Responses to “Finding Home.”

  1. Carrie March 10, 2012 at 12:36 pm #

    Very well written, great post!

    You’re absolutely right about memories being in our hearts. I wish I could show this to my 13 year old self as we were leaving my childhood home.

  2. Wondering Wanderer March 10, 2012 at 12:48 pm #

    Cherish the memories, but don’t be afraid to make new ones. As life goes on, we change and grow and have the opportunity to share our story with others. How amazing is it to be able to recall the stories of our life and help someone else enjoy that particular time, people and events.

    Sounds like the making of a good novel.

    • ameliaclaire92 March 11, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

      I think this will be an idea that I’ll be incorporating into my novel. The concept of accepting the experiences of one’s life, but not being bogged down by them either.

  3. Carrie March 10, 2012 at 10:35 pm #

    Reblogged this on Carrie's Bench and commented:
    I share this blog entry with gratitude for its wisdom and honesty. As I am experiencing my own re-membering of all the homes that have formed my sense of belonging, these words ring familiar.

    • ameliaclaire92 March 11, 2012 at 7:13 pm #

      Thanks for reblogging Carrie!

      • Carrie March 12, 2012 at 11:31 pm #

        Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

  4. Lisa W. Rosenberg March 11, 2012 at 11:32 pm #

    I love what you said about finding “home in numerous places.” Though our childhood homes are special, part of us, and hold a piece of our identity, I think that this sense can be portable. As long as we hold onto the memories, keep photographs and trinkets and whatever we can … home can come with us, evolve with us.

  5. belasbrightideas March 14, 2012 at 12:13 am #

    Nice job writing this, capturing the essence of angst in searching for the meaning of ‘home.’ Or at least that’s how I grasped it.
    I, too, can never go home again.
    Neither can my daughters.
    And what we all appreciate is that, in learning detachment, we are well on our way to a kind of spiritual freedom, if that makes sense.
    To me? Home is in the heart. But it’s taken me almost sixty years to discover the power behind those words.

    • ameliaclaire92 March 14, 2012 at 12:18 am #

      I’m glad you like it, Bela. I understand the concept of spiritual freedom. I’ve also been on my own spiritual journey, trying to figure out what brings me a peaceful state of mind amid the chaos of life.

      • belasbrightideas March 14, 2012 at 12:31 am #

        Good for you, Amelia. Great for you. And for all of us! From where I sit, I’d say ‘whatever works’ is the most self respectful thing we can do.

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