A Lost Connection.

18 Nov

“No distance of place or lapse of time can lessen the friendship of those who are thoroughly persuaded of each other’s worth.”

You know how sometimes there are certain things we don’t talk about because they hurt too much. I’m having one of those moments right now, and I just have to release it.

I had a twin brother or sister that died before he or she could be born. I don’t even know if he or she was even developed enough to be a baby, but I like to think that he or she was. I can imagine he or she saying, “Hey Amelia. You go live your life. Live it for both of us. Go set the world on fire.” Though it’s not something that often affects me, sometimes it does. I’ve come to believe that the loss of my potential brother or sister has affected me, even in a small way. Studies have shown that twins are connected emotionally, and through the loss of my twin brother or sister, I lost that space in me where the connection was. I feel like that lost connection is related to the fact that I get incredibly attached to people. I’m trying to find someone to fill that space, so I cling to people. I cling to them like glue. I don’t like this about myself, but the similarity there is between it and my twin sibling loss makes sense.

So, to my potential twin brother or sister that didn’t have the chance to live: I love you. I wish you could be here with me. I wish we could laugh together and fight together and move through life as a single unit. I wonder if you’d love the fall as much as me. I wonder if you’d have my eyes or my hair or my laugh. I wonder about a lot of things. It hurts that I feel like I’m looking for you when I befriend others. Maybe your spirit is within one of the friends I already have. You know, I talked to my friend Skidmore today. Maybe you lead me to her to show me that she could fill the space inside me that feels empty. Who knows. I just want you to know that there are times where I feel like I need you. Maybe then I wouldn’t feel so alone even when I’m surrounded by people.

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One Response to “A Lost Connection.”

  1. Sandra November 18, 2011 at 5:25 pm #

    very sweet
    very tender
    glad you wrote it

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